Poorly Planned Advice

I’m sure if you have been in a store you have seen the recent issue of Cosmo with this headline

Of course my first thought was “Oh Cosmo, you masters of the blindingly obvious. Take his pants off?? Who would have thought that without you?”

But then I considered this piece of wisdom from a non-pithy headline, real world position.

You don’t want to take his pants off first.

First, take his shoes off. Or better yet, have him deal with the shoes before things get too steamy.

Think about it. 

If you go for the pants first, the shoes get in the way. Sneakers, loafers or god help you, work boots, do not slide easily through pants. Then you have pants tangled around shoes, which is useful if you are into restraint I suppose but gets in the way of your getting on to the ‘sexy strokes he’s been craving but won’t ask for"’

Does GQ run articles telling men these things about women? Or do they run articles like “Sexy strokes you should under NO CIRCUMSTANCES ask for. Let her guess what you want.”

Have you seen that dating site commercial where the woman is thinking about a romantic night & pictures banging her head on the guy’s head and him throwing his back out and furniture breaking as they land on it?

Going for the pants first sort of puts you in the same place.

You end up all hot & bothered dealing with pant legs tangled up and shoes trapped & really…nothing kills the mood like logistics. Everybody has to stop what they are doing & deal with getting the shoes & the pants off.

May as well take the socks off while you are down there too because seeing a man in a shirt, naked from the waist down, yet also wearing socks, is not sexy. It is rather goofy actually. Unfinished as it were.

So go for the shoes & socks first, it will make all the rest go much more smoothly.

“First, Take Off His Shoes” probably didn’t work well as a Cosmo headline. It’s either ridiculous or suggests a foot fetish and male feet are the one area of the human body that Cosmo rarely covers. Unless they have changed format in the 10 years since I have actually opened a magazine. 10 years ago, after over a dozen years of reading Cosmo I realized they only had about 15 sex articles that they just keep rehashing plus maybe a dozen make up & clothing articles & they just changed the adjectives - “Wide legged pants are in”, “Skinny legged pants are in”.

I can get a grande mocha for less than the cost of Cosmo and the mocha suits me better these days. I’ve gotten too sarcastic for Cosmo in my middle age.