And those 3 had to be medicated.
Plus one of the insomnia nights was medicated. WTF? I pay $1.78 a pill and insomnia wins?
What is keeping me awake? Nothing in particular. Just a busy brain that won’t shut off until 4am or so. I free associate thoughts all night long. No particularly stressful thoughts, just an endless stream of consciousness.
Relax, relax and empty your mind, relax, drifting, nothing, calm mind, let it empty, like in that book Holy Cow, where she took the week long brain dump, I wonder if that would work, who would watch the kids if I went to it?, Brad would have to take the week off, and I’d have to fly probably. Hey! trying to sleep here, knock it off. Imagine relaxing, picture yourself in a soft bed, floating, drifting, what kind of sheets? white? what is sort of glaring, not really soothing, maybe warm cream colored sheets, flannel with a nice thick comforter, warm and relaxing and like hot chocolate, that was really good hot chocolate I made the other day with the Special Dark cocoa, i need to do a layout about it, I wonder what kit would go well with it? and what about that pot roast recipe, where did it come from? did I copy it or save it? AHEM! trying to sleep now! Drifting off, empty the mind, picture a warm dimly lit room, soft & comfortable. I wish I wasn’t allergic to wool. Wool looks so soft and comfortable but them I break out in hives if i touch it. pity my mom didn’t remember that. It’s a nice scarf but I can never wear it. I’d like to get some bamboo silk blend yarn & crochet a scarf, maybe a lime green or it could be a good knitting project. knitting, yeah, I don’t know, crochet just comes so much easier for me but if I practiced more then I suppose knitting would as well, what was that book I was looking at with the hats in it? Yo! Trying to sleep here!
and on and on and on all night long
Sometimes the anxious part of my brain tries to take over but the sensible conscious part of my brain, that wants to sleep but can’t, always seems to know when the anxious part is playing and smacks it down. Last night as a semi drifted off into a dream the anxious part decided to imagine “what if Havoc got hit by a truck while riding his bike?” but as soon as it happened in the dream the not yet asleep sensible conscious part of my brain flipped a switch and yelled KNOCK IT OFF at the anxious part before any emotions could kick in and panic me.
It’s not always that fast off the mark but it does fairly well at heading off panic attacks. I had a horrible night of anxiety last week. The dog kept whining & barking because she wanted out & then when she wanted back in she’d bang on the French doors. I’m in a semi drowse with anxiety hovering around looking for a way in and whining was it.
THERE MUST BE A HOMICIDAL AXE WIELDING MANIC IN THE LIVING ROOM
anxiety shouts. And before consciousness could get in “or the dog has to pee” the adrenaline kicked in and I spent the next hour laying there with this bi polar dialogue in my head while the sensible part tries to talk the anxious part down.
It’s just the dog
No it’s a maniac
Dog
Maniac, why else would I be panicking? I *know* it’s a maniac, that’s why I feel this way
It’s a dog and your imagination is causing you to feel this way
Oh my god there are two of them
The dog just wants in
What if he has a gun!!!!
Dog's can’t fire guns, they don’t have thumbs
The maniac!!!
You have a gun. Wake DH up & tell him what you think
No I can’t wake him up
*sigh* yes, much better to freak out alone
I’m doing yoga at night now and crocheting as a form of mindful meditation. I’m taking a Kava extract to relax me. I know I should just get up when I can’t sleep but I’m rarely actually awake. What I end up in is a sort of half awake doze, not quite asleep, but enough to be hopeful that if I just lay there I might sleep. But I never do and it is not at all restful.
My doctor suggested a sleep clinic if I can’t get the insomnia under control on my own. I’m not sure what my insurance thinks about it but as soon as my doc gets back from maternity leave I am going to ask her too look into it.
