Tuesday, September 02, 2008

the Truth

When Havoc started kindergarten a week & a half ago I was all teary & sentimental - my firstborn, my baby going off to school and leaving me behind. I cried when the bus pulled away and I came in a wrote him a letter that posted here on my blog.

I am 90 minutes away from putting my youngest on the bus for his first day of preschool and all I've got is vague feeling of guilt. The past 48 hours have been very hard on my physically.  My allergies slammed into me Sunday afternoon and I have been reeling ever since. Sneezing, wheezing, swollen itchy eyes, exhaustion... The only though I can really muster about Mayhem's first day of school is "I can nap. I don't have to worry about anyone burning the house down, crayoning the walls or eating all the sugar. No one will wake me up.  i can nap. Thank you god I can nap." Any thoughts of 'my baby, my little boy, growing up" are overwhelmed by the "I can nap" refrain.

I'm feeling a tad bit guilty that Mayhem is getting the short end of the Mommy love & sentiment today.  He doesn't seem to notice, so I don't think I damaging his psyche or anything.  Maybe after the nap, after the allergies loosen their hold on my head in a couple of days, I can think clearly again I will manage some sentiment.  I feel some melancholy. But that could be the Sudafed.


jessica said...

dont feel to bad. I cried when my daughter left for her first day and was a little upset for my middle son but thinking about how much extra time I would have to spend with my youngest and by the time he was ready for school I was thrilled with having extra time to clean and do stuff just for me by myself LOL.

Lukasmummy said...

(((hugs))) hope your allergies ease up soon. They never notice how we react anyway, honestly they are so excited about going to school they pay no attention to whether we are crying, shoving them out of the door or just looking like we want to go back to bed lol. Hugs Crystal xx

Anonymous said...

I always get so sad when I send them off to school. My middle daughter goes tomorrow to kindergarten, and next week my BABY goes to preschool.

Pass a tissue! *sob*

Paula said...

Aww! Don't feel bad!! I cried when mine left for school and they are in high school! LOL I hope your allergies get relief soon! My youngest suffers bad with allergies.