Thursday, September 24, 2009

Weight loss and the forces of darkness

My downfall is my diet. I can exercise, that is not a problem. Treadmills, cycles, weights, I can do them. Step aerobics not so much, but as long as it doesn’t involve fancy foot work (step up kick, step back kick, grapevine, now from the left step kick, etc) or sleeping in a tent at the end of the day, I can do the exercise portion of ‘diet & exercise’

What I can’t do is control my eating. It’s not that I indiscriminately gorge myself every time I sit down. I’m actually pretty good about portion size at meals & snacks with 95% of my food. But that remaining 5% is an issue & accounts for most of my weight gain or lack of loss.

Some people have a problem with chips or with cookies or with soda. I have a problem with a random ever changing variety of savory foods. My problem food of choice varies; I fixate on something for a bit, come to terms with it, let it go, do great for a few weeks, then fixate on a new food & repeat. I never know what is going to strike, so I can’t avoid it ahead of time. So far this year I have had issues with homemade pepperoni hoagies (jeebus the pepperoni I went through!), avocado & tofu salad (fine in small amounts but I’d eat large bowls of the stuff – daily), sausage wrapped hard boiled eggs (‘nuff said) and brie, triple cream brie for preference. I start off just wanting a little but before I know it I am making foot long pepperoni hoagies 3x a week. I came off the brie fixation in late June. I was fine for a few weeks, sticking to healthy food with Saturday ice cream. Then I came across this in Wal Mart. DSC_5498

Looks harmless right? Maybe even a bit bland, just artichoke & parmesan? How good could it be?  Don’t let it fool you.

This is EVIL DIP!

I’ve been fighting the temptations of the evil dip since mid July. I can eat the entire container with a bag of pretzels in 2 days. It says “great heated”. For the love of all that is healthy DO NOT heat the dip! Synonyms fail me when describing the evilness of the heated version of this dip. It’s so warm & creamy & salty & tempting. Just one more bite…one more...how can it hurt…it is so good…um, where did all the dip go?

The dip is irresistible. I see it and I have to buy it. This version of it is only at Wal Mart & they love to stop carrying things I like so it is only matter of time before the dip vanishes from the shelves never to be tasted again, so I should eat as much of it as I can, while I can.

See. That’s the dip talking. It overpowers my will. Just a photo of it can compel me to dip justification.

I started going to great lengths to avoid the dip. It’s in the deli area so I just never went there unless absolutely necessary but I could hear it calling to me while I was in electronics, so I started avoiding Wal Mart altogether.

Today though, with a shopping list that was either 4 stores or one Wal Mart visit I decided to brave the siren song of the dip. I was fine until the Parmesan cheese. The dip sits next to the containers of freshly shredded parmesan cheese. I had to enter it’s nefarious sphere of influence. I saw it sitting there, all malevolent and delicious, & I quickly grabbed the cheese and went to turn away. Then my eyes inadvertently fell on the price tag

New Low Price! 2 for $7!

Oh hellz.

The dip’s reprehensible power saw an opening and dove in. I had two containers in my cart before I could blink. I did somehow find the strength to put one container back on the shelf and then I buried the other under the boys’ sweatpants and the cat food to diminish it’s power. I struggled with temptation past the pretzel & chip aisles. But the dip is insidious. “Carrots” it whispered. “Carrots are healthy. You could dip broccoli too”. “You shush” I told it. “I’m leaving you on the magazine rack at check out”. “Think of me as a sandwich spread.” it suggested delectably. “with turkey on a whole grain sandwich thin. And a side of broccoli. Imagine the vitamins! The protein! The whole grains!” “Damn you evil dip” I muttered picking up some sliced smoked turkey. “Damn you and your sharp, creamy, tastiness.”

I brought the dip home & put it in the fridge where it called to me for 3 hours until I gave in and made a sandwich. “Have two” it suggested. “Oh no you don’t” I said firmly. “Portion control. 2 tablespoons is 13 grams of fat. Half one on the sandwich and the other half for the carrots. PERIOD. And no dessert for me tonight”

I’m going to take it with me this weekend when we meet up with friends & set it out with chips. Everybody loves the evil dip, it’s just that evil. It will be gone in about 15 minutes. If I can refrain from eating it all myself before then.

****disclaimer – you don’t honestly think I am getting paid for talking about this dip do you? It’s evil dip. Evil doesn’t pay.

6 comments:

Jennifer Wilson said...

Oh how I understand your pain. I could love on a diet of savory snacks alone, or perhaps with a little supplementation of cheese bagels with cream cheese and cheese enchiladas.

I've improved the classic velveeta dip recently by adding mild italian sausage and cream cheese. I've perfected a bacon jalapeno cheddar spread. I swoon over anything you can dip a Wheat Thin into! Don't even get me started with spinach dip.

Too Many Hats said...

Oh my, I NEED some of that. Not want or desire, but NEED! Now I won't be able to set foot in Walmart until you tell me they no longer carry it because darn that sounds soooo good.

kyslp said...

Exercise just makes me hungry. Also, I crave sweet and savory. Double the pleasure - quadruple the calories.

RetroKali said...

I don't have a problem with food anymore,since I read Geneen Roth's ," When you Eat at the Refrigerator,Pull Up a chair". She says that when you made a food taboo, human nature is that you want it more. So when I want toeat five oreos, I ask myself,"do I really want these?" sometimes the answer is no. And I have lost nine pounds so far, doing nothing out of the ordinary. I highly highly recommend the book!

Aunt Becky said...

I can't stop laughing. No, I really can't. Because you and I are clones. Now, I'm scared of premade foods, because I am a freak of nature, so I wouldn't eat that (which is good), but damn, yeah, I would do that.

I fixate on foods regularly.

Creative Junkie said...

Food is my downfall. All kinds - sweet, savory, etc.

My problem is that I'm a compulsive eater. Once I start, I cannot stop. So it's better for me not to even have a taste because once I do ... all bets are off.