the thought never even crossed my mind

First there was a sentence in Real Simple that went something like
"Another good use for a used toothbrush is to scrub out the tracks of your sliding glass door"
Ok. I know that sentence is in English because I recognize each of the words individually, but taken as a whole it is foreign to me. I have lived in a house with 4 sliding glass doors for 10 years and the whole concept behind that sentence has never occurred to me. Toothbrush? Scrub out tracks? huh?

Then I came across this product
2008 Motivated Moms Chore Planner with Scheduled Bible Reading
So I am not only expected to scrub out my sliding glass door tracks with a toothbrush (what is this, prison?) but read the Bible at the same time?

I am such a failure at this stay at home mom thing. I don't even sanitize my kids toys after other kids have played with them. CPS should be here any day now.

Oh, and apparently for this bible study class my other personality signed up for, I am going to need a, um, BIBLE. Who knew? So the question is, do I admit to the group that I do not own a bible, and therefor get a free bible, or do I keep this embarrassing fact to myself? They did ask. And I serious doubt anyone would be in the least bit surprised to learn I don't own one. But as I am quite likely the only MOPS mom without one, I'd sort of like to spare myself sharing this knowledge. I wonder how much a bible costs anyway? We have to buy a study book for the class. I sort of assumed the bible verses involved would be in the book. For $17, you'd think they would be included anyway.

Bibles are not cheap, unless I decide to take a Gideon's from a hotel room, which is what they are there for as I understand it. But I'd have to pay for the hotel room. Though, at least then I would know I was in possession of an actual honest its the word of God bible and not just a book about the bible that presents itself as a bible. On Amazon, under Religion & Spirituality - Christianity - Bibles-Translations there are approximately 3500 books calling themselves bibles, 1500 more or less that can be shipped overnight to me. Some of them though, appear to be more along the lines of devotional books with bible verses in them, or they have divided the bible up by various topics instead of keeping them in the right order. So if I have to look up Exodus 3:18 I can't just flip to Exodus & go from there. Then there are study bibles, annotated bibles, companion bibles, bibles divided up into 365 sections, daily bibles. And they come in different versions. King James, Standard, New Standard, New Revised Standard, New International, New King James, King James International, and Contemporary Language.

I'm leaning toward one called The Message: The Bible in Contemporary Language - Numbered Edition mostly because an agnostic who has read a lot of bibles thought it was a great version, though someone else said it is a slanted translation (what it is slanted toward is not specified) with a narrow perspective. I also like the Zondervan NIV Study Bible. It has great reviews, no one has mentioned it having a slant or any sort of perspective (that came out wrong) and the name is vaguely Hitchhiker's Guide-ish. (Zondervan NIV sounds like the name of a planet somewhere near Ursa Minor Beta, or the name of the band that opened for Disaster Area on Kakrafoon)

So, if there is anyone out there with any bible recommendations for a former Catholic turned pagan taking a class about Bad Girls of the Bible, please leave a comment